The root causes could be stemming from you
Narcissists, sociopaths, emotionally and physically abusive partners… over and over again, you keep ending up in toxic relationships.
But why? Why can’t you seem to learn your lesson? Why do you attract such toxic partners?
One reason is that it is easy to forget that our strengths can be used against us just as quickly as our weaknesses.
For example, if you are kind and compassionate, you will want to help the people you care about. This is a fantastic quality, but when someone toxic recognizes this trait, you instantly become more appealing in their eyes.
I always used to attract toxic people into my life. I thought that I would attract similarly-minded individuals due to being kind, always putting others first, and being extremely empathetic. The opposite was true.
After multiple abusive and toxic relationships, I realized I had to figure out why I was constantly attracting this energy into my life. I began to identify the traits within myself to figure out how to prevent it from continuing to happen in my life.
Here are some of the root causes of why you may be continually attracting toxic relationships into your life.
You struggle with codependency
Often, people are codependent and don’t even realize it.
They view themselves as loving and willing to go above and beyond for someone that they care about, but what they don’t realize is that they lack self-love.
“Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs.” — PsychCentral.
If you believe that you need another person to make yourself whole, then toxic people will be able to pick up on those insecurities. You will find that you pour all your attention and energy into someone who doesn’t reciprocate.
You ignore your gut instincts
A toxic relationship doesn’t start with the abuser bursting out of the gates screaming and beating their victims.
Instead, it begins with a slow burn of manipulation. If their target is uneducated on emotional abuse and tactics such as gaslighting, love-bombing, and stonewalling, then it will be even easier for them to pull at their strings.
Not all red flags are obvious. They are often so subtle you barely notice them.
They are in the way someone ignores you to ensure you want them more or in the way they begin to silo you into their life so that you lose connection with your own.
You don’t have relationship standards
Some people will claim that you should give everyone a chance. I’m afraid I have to disagree.
If you don’t have criteria for the people you let walk into your life, how will you keep bad ones from continuously slipping through the cracks?
Having a list of your standards and what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship isn’t being picky. Remember that some people are dangerous/toxic and don’t deserve a chance, and it’s up to you to identify those behaviors.
You believe you won’t get anyone better.
Throughout the years, I have been in toxic relationships and have had friends fall into them.
Many of them are still in their toxic relationships. In moments of despair and unhappiness, I always ask them why they don’t leave, and the reason is always the same. They claim they don’t want to date again and start over because they won’t find anyone better.
It’s complete and utter bullshit and falls into the codependency realm.
When someone is terrified of being alone, they are much more prone to stay in a bad situation.
You don’t put your needs first.
It is not selfish to have your own life, your friends, and your hobbies. It is what a healthy partner should encourage and do themselves.
People end up in toxic relationships because they lose themselves. They lose sight of what they need and who they are because they put their worth into another person.
If you can identify your behaviors, you can begin to change them so that you don’t repeat your history repeatedly.
When someone learns how to indulge in self-love and have a good relationship with themselves, they will also know that they never need to settle.
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