Many years ago I was in a relationship with someone who seemed to have absolutely no empathy. I would talk to him about my feelings and would receive absolutely no response.
I would hug him and he would half-heartedly hug me back and it felt completely empty.
I would always feel alone, but if I tried to bring it up, he would just say that he loved me and wanted to be with me.
If you are in a relationship with someone who has no empathy, you will have encountered the following feelings:
You have often felt inferior to them
Have you tried to share your point of view with your partner, and realized that if it clashed with their point of view that they made you feel completely stupid? I certainly have.
My ex didn’t want to understand my point of view because in his mind I was already wrong; his beliefs were superior.
I eventually gave up. It was exhausting to constantly have to try to prove myself and it got to a point where it was just easier to agree in order to keep the peace.
After all, why would I want to share my point of view when I knew that it was going to be “wrong” every single time?
Your emotions are never understood
My ex would fall silent if I brought up any emotional subject and if I asked him why he wasn’t responding he would just answer, “I’m just listening to you” or “Okay, are you done?”
Those were the times that he actually gave me at least some sort of response. Usually, my words would be met with silence or his completely emotionless face.
I eventually realized that my emotions were such a burden that he didn’t want to deal with them at all.
I would leave the conversation with my head swirling and my heart racing because I was beginning to realize that the person I loved didn’t even want to understand anything about me.
There will be no admission of guilt
Why would someone ever apologize when in their eyes they didn’t do anything wrong?
The only thing my ex would say was “I’m sorry you feel that way” which to me, doesn’t count as a heartfelt apology.
I was constantly walking on eggshells and trying not to upset him because I knew if I did I would be attacked. However, if he messed up and did something wrong it wouldn’t matter.
He was unable to look within and recognize that he was actually at fault for something. He refused to accept any responsibility and had no remorse for his actions that would hurt me.
You begin to recognize that things may not change
As the months went on I began to realize the truth that I was with someone who had no empathy for my feelings. He ended up telling me straight up that he was who he was and I had to either accept it or leave.
I left that relationship because I realized that I deserved to be with someone who cared about my feelings, could put themselves in the shoes of others, and genuinely had compassion.
The truth was that I couldn’t force him to feel something that he simply didn’t feel. I accepted that things were not going to change and I moved on knowing that I deserved something more.