This is the first part of the cycle of the narcissist’s manipulative plan to get you under their thumb. It is the phase before you are discarded and before you are hurt and abused. It is the phase you will cling unto when things begin to go downhill.
During this phase, they will do everything to sweep you off your feet. You may feel like this is everything you have ever wanted, like a fairy tale playing out in front of your eyes. The person in front of you will mold themselves to be your perfect fit, the match you’ve been searching for your entire life.
Here are some of the things that a narcissist will do during the idealization phase.
Claim you have everything in common.
You love music and he loves music. You both enjoy the same types of shows and have a similar family background. It’s almost as if the two of you were cut from the same cloth.
They spend most of the idealize phase listening to you and excitingly responding that they feel the same way. You will eventually come to think that they’re the only person you’ll ever meet who’s so similar to you.
They will ensure that every part of their personality is what you are looking for in a partner.
Start planning your future together.
Within two weeks they will tell you that they love you, that they have been waiting for you their whole life, and that you are everything they have ever wanted.
At the time it may be one of the most romantic things that you've ever heard. Yet when you reflect on it, you will realize that it is absolutely nuts and manipulative.
It is all an illusion to trap you.
A normal relationship progresses at a normal speed as you get to know someone. If someone is proposing a month after meeting you that is one hell of a red flag.
Praise everything about you.
No one has ever made you feel so beautiful, so wanted, or so loved. They will say how lucky they are to have met someone like you and they will claim that you are the most amazing human that has ever crossed their path.
In this phase, they will be idealizing you above everyone else in their life. They will tell you that you have all the qualities that they’ve been looking for. They may also compare you to past lovers or relationships saying that you are so much better.
There isn’t a human on this planet that is perfect. If someone thinks you are a gift from the heavens they are putting you on a pedestal that will be impossible to maintain.
Declare that you are their soulmate.
There is no comparison between you and their previous relationships. The Narcissist will declare that you are absolutely perfect.
They want you to believe that the two of you are meant to be together. That the fact you found each other is destiny and there is magic at work.
They will say that you complete them and you are everything they’ve been looking for. They will tell you that they’ve never felt this way before in any other relationship.
It’s all a fantasy…
It sounds perfect and it will feel perfect in the beginning but none if it’s real.
A healthy relationship doesn’t begin with declarations of love in the beginning. You cannot know someone that quickly and therefore it’s impossible to love them in the way that the Narcissist claims to love you.
If your gut is telling you that a relationship is moving too fast, or something isn’t right you have to listen to it.
If it seems too good to be true, it most likely is.