It was the evening of a close friend’s wedding.
Drinks were flowing, music was bumping, and everyone was having a blast. My husband and I sat with several others at a table, giving our feet a quick rest for the couple hours of dancing we had already busted out on the dance floor.
John and Beth were a couple sitting at the table my husband, and I had just met through the bride and groom. John was on my left, and he began trying to whisper jokes in only my ear and pushing me to drink more even though I kept saying I didn’t want another drink.
“No, I’ll get you a drink; what do you want?” He kept asking as I shook my head, saying I was good.
Suddenly his demeanor changed, and he became more somber. “My wife doesn’t get me these days.” Perhaps he was expecting me to divulge something about my husband and a lack (he hoped) of communication and affection. I remained silent, and he smiled, reached his hand over, and slowly squeezed my upper thigh affectionately.
I pulled away, feeling the heat and rising anger rushing through my body, reminiscent of earlier memories when men had made their (many) unwelcome advances.
Later, I told our mutual friend what had happened, and she wasn’t very shocked, explaining John was a “harmless flirt.” My husband hadn’t caught on to what was happening as he had been talking to a friend on his other side. Although it seemed obvious to me at the moment, no one else noticed John’s behavior, including his wife.
Some would consider it harmless flirting, but it didn’t feel harmless. The experience was jarring, and it was a wake-up call for me as a (now) married woman.
For some reason, I thought being married would change how men treated me.
Months ago, my best friend and I took a weekend girl’s trip. We enjoyed a spa day and decided to grab dinner at a local restaurant near a lively bar.
A bachelor party came rolling in, and one of the men came up to my friend, saying she had caught his eye. She politely said that she was married and we were on a girl’s trip but hoped he had a fun night. The man laughed and winked at her, saying, “we will see if you are still married after a few more drinks.”
Although we were shocked for a moment, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. The comment indicated that even though my friend would never be unfaithful to her husband, this random man assumed that others would.
Respecting your marriage doesn’t mean outsiders are obligated to do the same, even if they should.
You hold the power to kick people out of your life.
After my friend’s wedding, John tried to add me on social media and sent a message saying it was great meeting us. I blocked him without a word.
Yes, I could have voiced my concern and brought this up to John’s wife, Beth. However, the reality is that we are only acquaintances with them, and this type of behavior was a red flag that I decided to nip in the bud before it genuinely became confrontational.
However, if mutual acquaintances tell Beth what happened at the wedding and she reaches out, I will explain how John’s actions were inappropriate.
John made me feel uncomfortable, regardless of his intentions, and I have every right to set the boundaries I want for my relationship and marriage.
Seasons will arrive when you feel distant from your partner
As much as I would love to say that every day of being married is like waking up in paradise, that isn’t the case. Every couple will experience their share of ups and downs, and they must work through their issues.
Marriage is an (ideally) permanent ride that can sometimes feel overwhelming, and that’s okay. However, it is up to you and your partner to communicate and work through these seasons together.
Don’t confide in a “friend” and let your marriage issues become a doorway for someone else.
People will be waiting to drive a wedge into your relationship with their selfish motives, but you have the choice of whether they can do so.
Leave a Comment