Therapy can be life-changing and transformative but only when both parties are willing participants
Therapy is something I am incredibly passionate about.
I genuinely believe that it is something most, if not all of us, need at one point or another in our lives.
Although I am an advocate for therapy, I am also well-aware that it can be tough to find someone that is a good fit.
In an ideal world, we would arrive at therapy and immediately connect with our therapists. However, I have been in situations, as have close friends of mine, where we weren’t thrilled with our therapists.
After sharing our stories, we realized that many of us had similar reasons for being dissatisfied with our experience.
If you are feeling any of the following ways, it may be time to move on from your current therapist and to try to find a better fit.
Every session feels easy
A good therapist is going to challenge you at times and cause you to face difficult issues within.
When I initially started therapy, it was following an abusive relationship with a Narcissist, and I was in so much pain in the first few weeks that I thought it was making me worse, not better.
The truth is that I was processing and facing the pain that I had been suppressing for years. It wasn’t easy, but after talking through the experience and working through the pain, it felt like a weight lifted off of my shoulders.
Every therapy session doesn’t necessarily need to be difficult, but it should challenge you at times, or else you aren’t going to grow.
They share too many personal details
I am fortunate enough that I haven’t had this happen to me, but I’ve had many a friend tell me that their therapist dumped way too much personal info on them during an initial session.
Sharing basic information is fine; after all, you want to build a connection with your therapist, and they want you to feel comfortable with them.
However, if your therapist is sharing extensive details with you about their dating and personal life and is monopolizing most of the conversation, then something isn’t right.
A therapist needs to have a professional relationship with you, not a friendship. You didn’t come seeking another friend; you went for an unbiased opinion.
You don’t feel like you can be honest
Often we bring up topics in therapy that we may be ashamed or hesitant to disclose because it’s a difficult topic.
If you have brought up something and felt like you were being shamed or are being made to feel bad, you need to seek out a new therapist immediately.
“One of the main points of therapy is to open up. If you find yourself holding back from telling your therapist about your thoughts or behaviors, it can impede your mental and emotional growth and create an ill-fitting dynamic.”
— Tamar Chansky, Ph.D
It’s normal to feel reluctant to open up and be entirely honest, but part of what a good therapist does is that they build trust and create a safe space for you to feel like you can bring up these topics eventually.
You feel like you’re at the end of the road
Things don’t necessarily have to end on bad terms by any means.
I worked with a great therapist up until a few months ago. Initially, we talked every week, then it was bi-weekly, then once a month.
I know her door is always open, but I moved on because I felt like I had learned and processed everything I needed to work through.
If you feel the same way, there is nothing wrong with telling your therapist that you’ve learned and made so much progress with them, and you think that you are ready to move on to the next chapter.
Always remember that therapy is about you
We often give so much of ourselves to other people in our lives that we forget to take care of ourselves.
Therapy is a place where it should be about you, your thoughts, your problems, your dreams, anything that you want to talk about.
If you aren’t getting what you need out of therapy or any of the above situations resonate with you, then it’s time for you to move on and find something better.
The whole point is to get what you need and such as with anything in life, finding the right fit can take a few tries.