It’s easy to succumb to the belief that life is going to be like a fairy tale when we meet our “soulmate.” But even the best of relationships aren’t going to have a fairytale ending. In fact, if you are choosing to spend your life with someone there are going to be fights, bad days, ups and downs, and everything in between.
I don’t believe in soulmates as I did when I was younger. Instead, I believe that there are multiple people out there who are right for you. The important thing is recognizing when you are with someone who makes you happy and is a great fit.
Here are some signs that you are with that kind of person.
#1: You feel safe and content.
When I was younger I wanted romance, fireworks, and butterflies.
There were a few times that I experienced them but the burning passion was always fleeting.
Real love doesn’t happen instantly. It begins slowly as you get to know someone. Instead of a burning fire, it is a slow flame.
I used to fear security as I constantly sought out excitement and change. After being with someone long-term I have accepted that some days will be mundane/routine as that’s natural.
However, when I am lying in bed and I feel my partner wrap his arms around me I feel safe along with a feeling of contentment that has eluded me until this point in my life.
In fact, it has become my favorite feeling in the world.
#2: Their actions showcase how much they care.
Someone giving you gifts doesn’t mean that they actually care about you and your needs/feelings.
For example, I had an ex that gave me a beautiful watch but would reach over and snap it off whenever we get into a fight. It was used as a way to make me feel indebted to him since he “spent money on me.”
Instead of gifts, my partner shows he cares about his actions. He helped me put together a finance plan to pay off my debt. He helps me with my taxes. He rubs my neck and back at night when I’m sore and tired.
This isn’t to say that gifts aren’t important and that they don’t have a time and place. They do, but in the long-term actions will be what make or break a relationship.
#3: You fight and it doesn’t end in Armageddon.
Constant fighting and lashing out at each other is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and it’s also emotionally exhausting.
Most of my relationships have either had fights that ended in screaming matches or someone shutting down and walking away. It’s not surprising that none of those worked out because we didn’t find a way to argue in a productive and healthy way.
Now, when my partner and I fight it doesn’t end with one of us walking out on the other person. We don’t yell and our respect for each other shines through even in the way that we argue.
Fighting/arguments are going to happen when you are building a life with someone. It’s imperative that you figure out how to solve and handle them in a way that doesn’t end up doing irreparable damage to each other’s feelings.
#4: You communicate about everything.
It probably the most repeated relationship advice in the world (communication, communication, communication) but that’s because it’s so true.
When you stop communicating with your partner about small things it will start to build a wedge between the two of you.
I get it, there are days when I don’t want to talk about my day at work and I’ll also assume that my partner doesn’t care about the little details about my day. Yet, he truly does and will ask to follow up questions even about silly office gossip.
Your partner should be your confidant and the person that you trust with all the parts of your life, even if they are less exciting.
#5: They are unfazed by your emotions.
Yesterday I broke down about everything going on in the world as it felt unbearably heavy.
My partner is very logical and even though he couldn’t understand why I was so upset at that exact (and random) moment, he sat down on the couch and listened to my blubbering until I could somewhat explain my thoughts/feelings.
When we are with the right person we don’t have to put on a front or a constantly happy and fake act in front of them.
We are able to recognize that they love us and want to be with us across the entire gauntlet of our emotions.
I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe that there is just one single person on this entire planet of billions of people that will make us happy.
The year that I gave up on finding a soulmate is the year that I met the person that I have been the happiest with, and who embodies everything that I want in a life partner.
Don’t go through your life waiting for your “perfect match” to magically arrive.
If someone makes you happy and the two of you are a great fit, I believe that can be better than perfect… because it’s real.