I have always been someone that struggled with “casual” dating. As a hopeless romantic, I constantly dove in headfirst.
When online dating came on the scene it was an even bigger struggle. In order to keep from going absolutely insane, I had to reshape my dating expectations because most of the men I met were talking to other people and basically choosing who they wanted to keep dating.
If you were anything like I was, and you have started dating someone and it’s not official, you are probably wondering where you stand on their list.
In an ideal world, we would always be someone’s number one choice.
Unfortunately, that is far from the case, and in order to protect your head and your expectations, it’s good to be aware of where you stand.
Here are the signs that (unfortunately) you may not be at the top of your crush’s agenda.
#1. They only want to hang out last minute
Back when I was on the dating apps there is one person that gave me “butterflies.”
He was charming, smart, and looked absolutely fantastic in flannel.
However, I quickly noticed that he wouldn’t make plans and everything had to be “spur of the moment.”
For example, we grabbed a drink by my apartment because he was getting his car detailed … literally in my neighborhood and decided to see what I was doing at that exact moment.
One night we had tentatively made plans to hang out and he asked like we were good to go … then went silent for two hours and said he had decided to stay in and watch Netflix.
I sat at the bar with my friend realizing that he had chosen Netflix over me … and that I needed to pull away before I got hurt.
#2. They only want to see you during the week
It’s a joke between my boyfriend and me that he really liked me because he “gave me” his Friday nights when we first started dating.
When he told me that initially, I asked for him to explain what the hell he meant, and he told me that you only give someone your weekend if you REALLY like them.
I didn’t want to admit it but I realized that I always saved my weekends to spend time with my friends so if I was going to give that up to see a new dating prospect, I needed to really be interested in him.
People view their weekends as their most valuable time. If you are seeing someone that only wants to hang out on a Monday night and even that’s sporadic, they most likely aren’t going to make you a priority in the future.
#3. You hide your feelings from them
When I was in college I dated someone who simply wasn’t serious about our relationship.
I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells and that if I told him my feelings I would scare him away.
Weekends would pass when he would be gone partying for days and I didn’t say a word because I knew that if I did he would say I was too “clingy” and “needy” for him.
I finally confronted him and he reacted exactly as I had feared. He told me that he needed to think about our relationship.
Well, he ended up cheating on me that weekend with a girl in his class, and it turned out they had been talking for several months.
I wasn’t his first choice after all.
#4. They never invite you to events
In the same relationship, I mentioned above, my “boyfriend” if you can even call him that, wouldn’t invite me to events.
When I asked him about his plans he would tell me that he didn’t know what he was doing that weekend and then I would see pictures of him online … usually surrounded by other girls.
Eventually, I became frustrated and asked why he never invited me to any of these events and he answered “it’s not your scene.”
Later, it was revealed that the events were basically raves and he and his group of friends were participating in mind-altering substances and I wasn’t part of their “in-crowd.”
If someone doesn’t invite you to events when you are dating, that isn’t going to magically change.
#5. You don’t meet any of their friends or family
A few years ago I was dating someone and the holidays came up. I thought about inviting him to my family’s Thanksgiving and something in the back of my head just said, “…nah.”
The reality is that I wasn’t excited about him and even though I didn’t admit it out loud, I was really “waiting” for someone better to come along.
How do I know that? Well, after we broke up I met someone who I really clicked with and within about two weeks he had already met my family.
When you are someone’s number one priority they are going to be excited about you and they are going to want to have you in their life.
If you are experiencing any of the above behaviors you may be someone’s fallback plan. Get out now because you deserve better, and no one wants to be the person someone else settles for.