Recently I attended a wedding shower for a close friend. While I was there I started talking to the host of the party and we hit it off immediately.
The topic of relationships arose and she told me that she had recently ended things with a narcissist.
She told me about how he had pretended to be a successful and career-oriented man when it was all a lie. Once he had her in the palm of his hand he moved into her house, they got married, and she ended up divorcing him a year later.
This woman is extremely successful. She is beautiful, confident, extremely hard-working.
You may be asking: Do narcissists target more successful partners as their prey? If so, why would they want to pursue someone strong instead of someone weak who would rely on them more and be an easier catch?
There is a misconception that abusers go after someone who is weak/easy. In some cases this is true, but on average narcissists are often on the lookout for certain strengths in their next victim.
A narcissist may pursue someone strong and successful but they don’t want them to stay that way. There are reasons that they are attracted to this kind of person and that things eventually begin to shift.
It makes them look good.
When someone has a successful/financially stable partner that is going to reflect well on the other person in a romantic relationship.
However, although your success reflects on your partner don’t expect them to praise you for it. Seeing someone be successful alerts a narcissist to their insecurities and they are going to internalize things and become very jealous.
It’s a double-edged sword because they ultimately want you to succeed as it benefits them but it also showcases their flaws which is something they most certainly don’t want.
A narcissist doesn’t necessarily want an easy target. They want someone strong enough to be appealing but they want them to also be submissive enough to fall for their tricks.
They don’t like someone who challenges them too much in the beginning. They don’t mind working their charms, especially if someone is already in a relationship, but they aren’t going to want to work too hard.
They can financially take from you.
It won’t just be your sanity and self-worth that they try to take away from you.
If you’re the bread-winner you can expect to be paying for everything. A narcissist will often portray an illusion of success and drive when in fact, they are grooming you to take care of them.
For example, when I was young and naive I allowed myself to fall into a relationship where I ended up spending thousands of dollars on a partner who never even took me out for one date.
I ended up writing down how much I had spent and he still tried to deny that things weren’t equal. I brought out the list I had made knowing that would be his reaction and when he saw it he shrugged and said “Well, you’ve been doing better at work.”
They get to break you down.
Narcissists love feeling powerful and untouchable. What’s fun for theme is that they get to start out the relationship love-bombing you and building you up in order to rip the rug from under your feet later on.
There are multiple ways they will do this. They will make you feel like you’re on top of the world and the most special person on this planet. They’ll make you feel safe and loved so that you trust them.
After sharing intimate details with theme they will share something in return, but not as intimate. They want to get everything they can on you to use it against you later on.
Once they have all the ammo they need, things will shift and they will begin trying to tear you down.
Eventually, they won’t want you to be successful.
The very traits that attracted the narcissist in the first place will be the ones that they want to destroy.
I had a big race and my ex wanted to party the weekend before. When I set my alarm to workout in the mornings, he would beg me not to go and throw a fit if I did.
He also got extremely angry that I did better at work than he did. I was at the top of the company and I still remember how angry he was that I won a competition and was rewarded monetarily.
Narcissists want to leave you broken, and a shadow of your former self. Don’t allow your light to be taken from someone who doesn’t have your best interests in mind, and want to watch you fail.