Love is an abstract concept that they do not truly understand
They love me.
It is what we tell ourselves in the midst of a relationship that is ridden with manipulation and abuse.
They love me.
It is how we excuse their behavior and constant mood swings. It is how we excuse the horrific way they treat us.
They love me.
It is the lie that we whisper as the tears run down our faces and the uncontrollable sobs shake us so hard that they threaten to break our body into pieces.
They love me.
I’m sorry, as it was the hardest truth I’ve ever had to accept when I was in a relationship with a narcissist. But here is the truth. They don’t love you.
A narcissist doesn’t experience “love” in the way that a person without NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) does and here are the reasons why.
They can’t put someone before themselves.
When you are in a healthy relationship you always strive to put your partner’s needs before your own.
However, a narcissist is incapable of putting someone’s needs before themselves unless it serves them in some way. For example, unless it’s a vacation that they want to go on or a movie they want to see, they won’t ever ask what you want to do.
Because they lack the ability to prioritize someone else it makes it impossible for them to be in a relationship with a person that isn’t one-sided with them taking everything for themselves.
They are beyond insecure.
A primary reason why someone develops Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that, deep down in the depths, they consider themselves unlovable.
At one point in their past, normally in childhood, they were hurt to the point where they developed a false sense of self instead of working through their feelings.
Because they are insecure they are unable to accept any criticism but will be the first to criticize you with no empathy for your feelings.
They need constant validation and attention.
A Narcissist desires constant praise and your undivided devotion. This is where you may confuse a Narcissist’s actions and words as “love.”
If you are doing something together they will need to win so you will let them. Then you will tell them how amazing and talented they are because you know that otherwise, your day is going to turn into an exhausting battle with them.
It will become normal to avoid any conflict because you have recognized that they cannot handle anything that isn’t boosting their self-esteem and it is simply not worth it to bring anything up.
All they will do is take.
If you are giving them the attention and validation that they need then you are a great source of “narcissistic supply” for them. You may get breadcrumbs of affection at times but it will be short-lived and just done to keep you on the hook.
Your energy, your time, your love, your money, everything needs to serve the Narcissist first and foremost.
It may be months or years before they display their true self but deep down you will know right away, deep in your gut, that something is off.
Get out before you spend part of your life loving someone that will never be able to love you back.
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